Monday, September 1, 2008


Some days, I think that there are too many changes going on in my life. And others, not enough changes.

I think I am where I am because I need to be here, but I am not sure what exactly I am supposed to be learning in order to move on. I can see some patterns in my life that I want to change, and will work on being so passive about. But overall, I am just overwhelmed.

I have lots of job skills, but I haven't had jobs that lasted more than 2 years for various reasons - moving, quitting, boss dying. The jobs here and even in a 60 mile radius just don't seem to be what I am looking for.

I need to find a new place to live, after I find a job and I hate this. Not that I like where I am mind you, but change is too much for me sometimes. I have been here just over a year, and I still don't know anyone. Yeah, I meet with the bookclub, but it is disbanding, and I haven't really connected with anyone there. Co-Workers are not really an option either. I hate that I don't know how to get around TX very well, and I don't know the good areas from the bad in terms of finding a place to live. I am truly terrified of living without a support system. I have done it before and it isn't fun. If I get offered the job I interviewed for, I don't even know who to list for my emergency contact form.

I think I was doing ok without meds, but the more the situational depression is increasing, I think the more I am sinking. And I hate it. I am tired of crying.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Oh, gosh, you are in a difficult position. I think, since the depression at this point is at least partially situational, that if you have one thing go right, you will feel so much better. So I'm crossing my fingers for you, hoping either a great job or place to live will materialize.