Thursday, January 31, 2008


Wow for a couple of reasons.

1. I have readers! Comment leaving, genuine readers! For some reason this is so amazing to me. Thanks to all who have stopped by and I hope you will come back.

2. The wicked storm that passed through here last night. I love storms. My inner pagan wants to go outside naked during the rain and watch natures amazing light show. My inner law abiding citizen has never allowed me to go outside naked, and for that, you are all welcome. Some people look for houses with sun porches. I want a rain porch. Something outside or screened in, and with eaves deep enough so that I don't get wet while it pours. I love sleeping when it is raining too. I have some sleep problems, chronic insomnia being the worst, but rain seems to work as a natural sleep inducer. Unfortunately, I am in a part of Texas that is borderline desert, so it isn't frequent, but I appreciate the storms more when they happen.

3. This is not so much of a wow as it is a purple suit wearing, gold tooth flashing, giant clock blinging type of woooooooow. Thats right, Flava Flav has a new installment of Flava of Love. Words fail me. The first one, and even the second one were entertaining. I will also admit to gleefully snickering over Bret Michaels show - Rock of STD's. But seriously, who would truly want to be with the Flav after he has been within 30 feet of New York? Is anyone esle completely squicked out by the idea of those two bumping uglies? But I will admit I am curious to see what my nickname would be.

4. And now for the best kind of wow. I am the youngest of 5 children. I am completely estranged from my parents, and all but one of my siblings. We'll get to all of that mess later. My one very cool brother G lives in CA, and it has been about a dozen plus years since I have seen him in person. We were never close as kids. He is about 6 years older than I am, and I was the epitome of a rotten little sister at times. But now, we are surprisingly close. We used to talk on the phone about 3 times a year, and now it has gotten up to once or twice a month. And he calls me sometimes, not just me calling him. Anyway, for the wow factor, he has a cat and has dealt with the loss of a cat before and has been so kind and undertstanding with me since I lost Iggie. He even said "I wish I was there so I could give you a hug". I can honestly say I do not think we have ever hugged each other before. Literally never. My family was not very touchy feely, so this is so huge for me. I hope I can take a trip out to see him soon and collect on the hug. Family is very important to me, even if it isn't at all typical, I am very lucky to have the new family I do.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Moving for the third time in 9 months, missing Iggie

Moving sucks. It forces you to go through everything you own and play favorites. That being said, I probably needed to go through all of my books and stuff and pare them down anyway.

I have over 50 boxes (yay grocery store dude!) and already a whopping 3.5 of them are packed. Considering I don't have a job or a new place to live, I'd say I am right on track.

It has been 10 days since Iggie died. He was the best cat I could have ever known and after 17 years with him, there is a big void in my life. When I see the other solid black cat walking in the other room I am still calling out "hey Igs", before I remember that he is gone. The vets office has called and said his ashes are ready to be picked up, but I am not able to deal with that yet.

Edgar, the fluffy little cat, has been crying to go outside non stop. He is not an outdoor cat, none of mine are, but he has escaped a few times and tasted Outside. And he wants more. He doesn't seem to understand when I tell him to stop yowling or be quiet. Ignoring him makes it worse. My brother said that maybe he was looking for Iggie, which was sweet, but I don't think that is what he is doing. Cats do pick up on their owners stress though, so maybe I just need to do some nice calm breathing and think relaxing thoughts for a while. Couldn't hurt, right?

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Random acts of kindness

I stopped by the local Chinese food place yesterday for some rice and soup. My regular server was there, and she must have been able to see I was having a crummy day and she gave me a hug. Very early this morning I went to the grocery store. I asked one of the stockers if they had any boxes I could use for moving, and he said he would set them aside for me and asked my name to make sure they were saved.

I know this is based in part because of my ongoing issues with depression, as well as current situation, but I teared up when these total strangers were nice to me.

Why does other peoples kindness affect me so much? Am I not used to kindness? Do I not think I am deserving? Or is it just the surprise that there are just some really nice people out there?

Friday, January 25, 2008

Here I go

After reading and lurking around other peoples blogs for a looong time, I am finally creating my own. I have never been good at keeping journals, but with the demands from my hordes of soon to exist webfans, maybe that will create some accountability and regulate my entries.

I have very little knowledge of how this whole blog thing works, so this is going to be a work in progress.

So. Starting with the here and now, I present my life.

I am in Texas. I moved here in May 2007 to live with my boyfriend of three years, who shall be known as S. I had recently lost my job and my landlord died, so moving seemed like a good idea at the time. Not so much. We lived with his certifiably batshit mother for 3 months, then moved into our own place. S is a truck driver and gone for long periods of time. I am depressed and do not know anyone here, so being alone took it's toll.

Last Friday, my 17 year old cat died.

Last Friday, S also stated that our relationship is over.

I have no job.

These things haven't done a whole lot to cheer me up, but I figure that this is the universe presenting me with the opportunity to make some big changes in my life. Karma is interesting like that.

Other things about me:

1. I like pink.
2. I like stars.
3. My lucky number is 13.
4. My best friend is a man.
5. I am left handed.

That is all for now. Please feel free to comment and visit Marias World frequently. I promise it will be an interesting place.