Sunday, April 26, 2009

Catching up

In no particular order, here are some recent things from my life:

1. The Woo is curled up next to the keyboard, snoozing and purring. His eyes are scrunched up and his floofy feet will sometimes stretch out to make starfishy paws. Other times, he will roll over with his belly exposed, completely trusting and witout a care in his head, of which I am jealous. I adore this cat to no end.

2. I watched "Rachels Getting Married" off of Movies On Demand. Loved it, but I am a little sick of movie perfect familes. So this family wasn't perfect, but all of their combined friends and family were.

3. Bought an FM transmittery thing for the new car, whom I am currently referring to as "Miss Pretty", so I can plug in my iPod. Icanhastunage?

4. Went in to work Saturday thinking I could get things done - two of my coworkers were there, one with her daughter. I left after only an hour and a half. My point was to get things done ALONE. Plus, I am of the opinion that if those two spent less time during their regular day yapping and texting, they wouldn't need to come in extra...

5. So a couple of weeks ago, S. came to me and said that he didn't want to lose me forever, that he had been wrong about a lot of things and was ready and willing to make changes, whatever it took to get me back. So I guess we are together, but I am REALLY not sure that this is a) what I want, b) going to work, and c) even possible given our history. I alternate between being cautious and then being concerned that I am overthinking things by being too cautious. My brain is a scary little place.

6. I am thinking about dropping my bookclub. We all take turns picking boooks, and lately they have sucked. The Christmas Sweater was a book that I was embarrased to have been sen reading, and it was such a horrible schmaltzy book to pick for a book club. No great plot lines, no character development, just dreck. Next book on deck is something by Jodi Picoult. Nothing against the book yet, as I haven't started reading it, but this author falls under chick-lit to me. I want a little something else out of a book club. The former club I was in discussed "real" books - The Handmaidens Tale, Middlesex, The Kite Runner, etc. Books of substance. Maybe I will try and draft my own club?

7. S. would like to move to Florida. His father has a house there that we used for a vacation once. Not much, but it would be our own house, in a quiet place and with very cheap rent. What's the problem, you ask? Florida. The bug capital of the world. There is a creek behind the house, which horseshoes out to a bay. The Bay? IDK. Anyway, the place is rife with things that have too many legs. And I have issues with just hosing down the place with chemicals every month. Can't be good for me or the cats. But the rent would be less than half of what we are paying now, which would allow quicker pay off of MissPretty, and there is a college very nearby so I could finally use my scary little brain. Of course, S. and I are still in a honeymoon phase, where everything is going smoothly, but in 6 weeks or 6 months...? Also, S. has been back over the road for 3-7 days at a time, so living together full time may not even work.

8. Last week, S. and I drove MissPretty over to his moms house to take her to dinner. She needs help - that's for another post though. So while we were there I checked the mail and discovered a package. I didn't remember ordering anything recelty from Amazon, but it was a possibility....turned out to be a package of jewelry from GEM. The man is entirely too generous. 3 pairs of silver and gemstone earrings, 2 necklaces and a beautiful delicate amethyst bracelet. Presents form myself are great, but random gifts form friends totally rock. I need to finish a cross stitch present for him soon. I did mail a package last week for GG, Greg and GEM, so I am not slacking on my end.

That's all for now. It is 7:20 and I have not slept well the past week or so, so I am going to take a double dose of the sleeping meds and conk out.

Saturday, April 18, 2009


So last Thursday, the fomer MariaMobile died. It was a 1990 Camry that I had owned for 13 years and I loved it. Lot of history in that car. Three states, several jobs, uncounted nervous breakdowns - that car saw me through all of it and always worked. I will miss the Camry. I cleaned it out today at the garage it was towed to. The TOYOTA CAMRY thing from the back side of the car was pried off and I will hang on to it.

There is a lot more to this car though. This car was a major component in why I do not have a relationship with my parents. In 1996, I killed the first ever MariaMobile by not putting oil in it. For 2 years. Yeah, I know..... In my defense, no one ever really schooled me in the basics of car maintainence. I DID periodically put oil in it. When the oil light would come on, I would drive to WalMart, buy a bottle and put half of it in. How it lasted 2 years like that is a miracle.

So, the first MariaMobile died a violent horrible death due to overheating and cracking the engine block. I am very lucky though, the car very possibly could have exploded while I was driving it.

So, I was living on my own, working at an animal hospital 30 hours a week for less than 7 bucks an hour, could not afford a replacement and had no credit. I was also living with an undiagnosed case of major depression. My parents paid for the Camry with the understanding that I would pay them back for 4 grand. And I tried. I took a second job at Taco Bell (ugh). Then I was hospitalized for a week - depressions a bitch, y'all, and lost my job. I don't think I was actually suicidal at that point, but the facts were that I worked at an animal hospital, had access to euthaniasia drugs and the knowledge of how to start an IV. I was considered to be risky to say the least.

Job loss plus hospital bill did not help the depression and things spiraled way out of control, including my first eviction. Contact from the parents stopped, and I was too embarassed and ashamed to ask for more help. I did become close to my cousin Missy, who provided endless hours of phone therapy - most of it collect calls. Thank you Missy! Through her, I learned that there is an extreme family history of depression. My grandmother apparently even tried to commit suicide while pregnant with my mother by jumping in front of a subway, but a "good samaritan" "saved" her..... thus allowing the crazy to go on another generation.

My personal situation gradually improved, with some fluctuations here and there, but the relationship with my parents was broken. I kept in touch with my father for a while, calling him at work sometimes, but never getting calls from him. It has been 8 years since i have spoken to him, and 12 since I have talked to my mother.

So, the loss of the Camry was a big emotional whirlwind for me. The car had served me well for 13 years and I am thankful for it.

My new car is a lovely 2001 Volvo. I adore it. It has butt-warmers, sun and moon roof (those crazy Swedes!), buttons galore, and even the little windshield wipers for the headlights. I am proud that my credit and downpayment allowed to me to buy such a wonderful car. I will be paying on it for some time, but I think I can handle it. It is bittersweet though.

Also? Hello Charlie! Thank you for reminding me about my blog neglect!