S. came over yesterday to discuss "things". He wants to reconcile. I do not. I do not want to go back to the horribly toxic relationship we had and told him so. Every time that you have a breakup with someone, all your friends always say that you deserve better, can find someone better, and there are other fish in the sea. But this is the first time I am believing in it!
I DO deserve better, and I CAN find some one who will treat me the way I deserve and respect me and our relationship. But right now, I am feeling oddly sort of powerful in that I am going to re-start my life and I want more out of it. I need to start treating my self better. I am already envisioning that I will soon have a small tidy apartment that will be all mone, and I will find and partake in activities that I enjoy. On my own or with new people. And it only took 32 years for me to figure this out.