Static

Some days, I think that there are too many changes going on in my life. And others, not enough changes.

I think I am where I am because I need to be here, but I am not sure what exactly I am supposed to be learning in order to move on. I can see some patterns in my life that I want to change, and will work on being so passive about. But overall, I am just overwhelmed.

I have lots of job skills, but I haven't had jobs that lasted more than 2 years for various reasons - moving, quitting, boss dying. The jobs here and even in a 60 mile radius just don't seem to be what I am looking for.

I need to find a new place to live, after I find a job and I hate this. Not that I like where I am mind you, but change is too much for me sometimes. I have been here just over a year, and I still don't know anyone. Yeah, I meet with the bookclub, but it is disbanding, and I haven't really connected with anyone there. Co-Workers are not really an option either. I hate that I don't know how to get around TX very well, and I don't know the good areas from the bad in terms of finding a place to live. I am truly terrified of living without a support system. I have done it before and it isn't fun. If I get offered the job I interviewed for, I don't even know who to list for my emergency contact form.

I think I was doing ok without meds, but the more the situational depression is increasing, I think the more I am sinking. And I hate it. I am tired of crying.