The Plan

Accordingto my latest plan, this will be my last full weekend atthe night job. But then again, last night I semi convinced myself that maybe I could do another 6 weeks and finish out the year. I think I could, but then I realized I still have to pack 65% of my stuff, find a newplace to live, and move, so I think this is it. And I think the fear has a lot more to do with being afraid of being on my own and alone then the money.

nothing to say

Lots of things are going through my head - The Predator, The Job, The Other Job, finding a place to move and moving in 6 weeks, could have been the one boyfriends from years ago. Guilt about Camille getting so sick and dying, regret formaking bad decisions, what to do over the holidays... and I can't write about it. I am so tired and maybe getting a little depressed.

70 posts

I have convinced myself to quit the night job. Actually about 85% convinced - I think this will be my last weekend, and next Friday my last night. Oh but the fear is already nipping at my heels that if I don't work and work and save every penny that bad things will happen. But I need to do this so I am going to have to make it work. Also, I am 80% convincedlast night was my last date with The Predator.

And Yay! Top Chef is back tonight!

Blah

So I decided to leave early from work, and by early I mean still clocking over an hour extra, so I could go home, play with The Woo (the cat) wash some dishes and generally create some balance. That was well and good until The Online Predator called and we went out until 9:30p. Now it is late, I am tired and I still need to take a shower and go to bed. I need to get a handleon my life before I crash again.

letter of the law

So I have been posting every day so far this month. And most have been very short. Iam following the letter of the NaBloPoMo law, but not the spirit.

There are so many things I think I could blog about, or would like to. I am smart, funny and creative, but I am just not able to express it all as much as I would like to. Plus I am still stupidly working 70 hours or more per week. And I am closer to burning out then I would like to have to think about.

I need to quit the night job. But I am afraid. I don't have a support system here, my credit is not all that great, my car is ancient, and what happens if I lose my job, or the car breaks or something else comes up. And in typing this, I am moreinclined to write WHEN the car breaks, and WHEN I lose my job. And I can't live in fear, but I have also been homeless and jobless and depressed before and I can't do that to myself again, but working so much is not and can not be the answer. In fact, over stressing my self ismostlikely going to cause me to lose myjob or to self destruct. But fear is a powerful force to reckon with, and I don't know what to do.

From PostSecret

This is a quote from PostSecret. I love the site and I love the quote. "We accept the love we think we deserve."

Saturday night

So I am off to the night job again- last night I had company at work- The Online Predator showed up, which was unexpected and naughty... and there is a mouse at work. I hate bugs, but I don't mind rodents, but I don't like them around my kitchen either, so the food at work is off limits to me, because the mouse does not respect my boundaries.