Catching up

In no particular order, here are some recent things from my life:

1. The Woo is curled up next to the keyboard, snoozing and purring. His eyes are scrunched up and his floofy feet will sometimes stretch out to make starfishy paws. Other times, he will roll over with his belly exposed, completely trusting and witout a care in his head, of which I am jealous. I adore this cat to no end.

2. I watched "Rachels Getting Married" off of Movies On Demand. Loved it, but I am a little sick of movie perfect familes. So this family wasn't perfect, but all of their combined friends and family were.

3. Bought an FM transmittery thing for the new car, whom I am currently referring to as "Miss Pretty", so I can plug in my iPod. Icanhastunage?

4. Went in to work Saturday thinking I could get things done - two of my coworkers were there, one with her daughter. I left after only an hour and a half. My point was to get things done ALONE. Plus, I am of the opinion that if those two spent less time during their regular day yapping and texting, they wouldn't need to come in extra...

5. So a couple of weeks ago, S. came to me and said that he didn't want to lose me forever, that he had been wrong about a lot of things and was ready and willing to make changes, whatever it took to get me back. So I guess we are together, but I am REALLY not sure that this is a) what I want, b) going to work, and c) even possible given our history. I alternate between being cautious and then being concerned that I am overthinking things by being too cautious. My brain is a scary little place.

6. I am thinking about dropping my bookclub. We all take turns picking boooks, and lately they have sucked. The Christmas Sweater was a book that I was embarrased to have been sen reading, and it was such a horrible schmaltzy book to pick for a book club. No great plot lines, no character development, just dreck. Next book on deck is something by Jodi Picoult. Nothing against the book yet, as I haven't started reading it, but this author falls under chick-lit to me. I want a little something else out of a book club. The former club I was in discussed "real" books - The Handmaidens Tale, Middlesex, The Kite Runner, etc. Books of substance. Maybe I will try and draft my own club?

7. S. would like to move to Florida. His father has a house there that we used for a vacation once. Not much, but it would be our own house, in a quiet place and with very cheap rent. What's the problem, you ask? Florida. The bug capital of the world. There is a creek behind the house, which horseshoes out to a bay. The Bay? IDK. Anyway, the place is rife with things that have too many legs. And I have issues with just hosing down the place with chemicals every month. Can't be good for me or the cats. But the rent would be less than half of what we are paying now, which would allow quicker pay off of MissPretty, and there is a college very nearby so I could finally use my scary little brain. Of course, S. and I are still in a honeymoon phase, where everything is going smoothly, but in 6 weeks or 6 months...? Also, S. has been back over the road for 3-7 days at a time, so living together full time may not even work.

8. Last week, S. and I drove MissPretty over to his moms house to take her to dinner. She needs help - that's for another post though. So while we were there I checked the mail and discovered a package. I didn't remember ordering anything recelty from Amazon, but it was a possibility....turned out to be a package of jewelry from GEM. The man is entirely too generous. 3 pairs of silver and gemstone earrings, 2 necklaces and a beautiful delicate amethyst bracelet. Presents form myself are great, but random gifts form friends totally rock. I need to finish a cross stitch present for him soon. I did mail a package last week for GG, Greg and GEM, so I am not slacking on my end.

That's all for now. It is 7:20 and I have not slept well the past week or so, so I am going to take a double dose of the sleeping meds and conk out.

it is a sad day

Today I am getting the box for Camilles ashes. It is a pretty mahoghany box with a picture frame in the lid, and I am happy to have a nice container to put her remains in but I am remebering her and the final appointment at the vet and I am as sad as I was on the day she died.

RIP Camille 1993-2008

Iggie on the left, Camille on the right

Thursday is going down as the second most horrible day of my life. I had to make the decision and sign permission for the vet to euthanize Camille. When I got to the vets office after work Thursday she was halfway gone already; I'd like to think that she hung on long enough to let me say goodbye and tell her I love her for the last time.

I have worked for a veterinarian before. I have assisted in the euthanasia of animals before, but to do this to my own baby was miserable. When Iggie died in January, he died at home, on his own, and I know he would have preferred it that way. It was slow and agonizing, but I am glad I was with him for it. With Camille, I know she was hurting and very cold - her body temp was only 95-ish, and cats should be at 101-102. So I am glad she didn't have to suffer anymore, but it still felt wrong to make the decision to end her life for her and have to sign the permission form.

Everyone has told me that at least she is not in pain anymore, but I am. And that is not going to get better for a long time. I know most people who see this will only see a picture of two black cats. But those who know me will know that this is a family portrait for me, because these two sweet creatures WERE my sole family for so long.

Camille

Camille is not doing well. She is my second cat. I have had her and loved her since the day her semi feral mother had her on our porch. She is 15.

She is losing weight, becoming tottery and cries alot. She needs to go to the vet and I am so scared that she may be worse than I think, which is already pretty bad. It hasn't even been a year since I lost my first cat and rhis may be more than I can handle without going pretty far into depression.

Camille has always been MY cat. She would follow me around and hop on my lap at any chance, even if I was in the bathroom. When I lived in a dorm for three months, she was miserable and wouldn't even let my father pay attention to her - she ended up with all sorts of infections caused by stress. She loves me.

And I always feel like I neglect her. Iggie was my first baby, and he was such a rotten little punk that he captured my attention with his naughty behaviors - I had to work to gain his affection. Since Camille has always been so easy, I fell horrible that she does not have the same amount of attention as Iggie did. And then I got The Woo, who cries if I am not in his sight, and again Camille got pushed to the side.

Maybe people who don't have pets won't understand all of this. But these cats have been my family for so long. During the really bad depression years, they were my only source of comfort and compantionship. They have lived with me thorugh 3 states, 11 residences, and 6 jobs. Iggie and Camille were always around for me when I just needed to have another living creature next to me to not feel so alone. And I just hope Camille knows that she is as loved as she is.

fried

I am done.

I worked 70 hours last week, and will be matching it again this week - 5 ten hour days and 10 hours on Friday and Saturday. And I can't do it much longer.

I want to, because I need the money to move out and replace the MariaMobile. But I just don't know if I can.

Ovetime at the day job pays twice what the nights do. But the nights are very easy work, so I don't want to give it up. And the overtime doesn't seem to be drying up anytime soon either, so it makes sense to just work extra at the day job.

The Online Predator is vacationingin Puerto Rico for this week and next, which is kind of a relief because if he were here, I would probably push myself to spend time with him, and lose precious sleep.

I snapped at The Woo, who is the sweetest cat ever and seems to really miss me. He was winding around me, trying to mooch some people food and get some attention and I told him to scoot, and I NEVER talk to him in that tone of voice. I felt horrible. I got into a nasty argument with S., although I don't feel bad about that. I had told him very specifically what I needed at the store and yet he still managed to fuck it up because he doesn't listen, and I actually hate him at times.

All in all, I am desparate for sleep. I am not even going to finisdh watching Project Runway tonight because I need to go to bed NOW. And I really hope no one ruins the ending for me tomorrow.

I will post again this week, and will hopefully be in a better place, sleep quantity wise.

Attention Scientists

I believe I have made an important new discovery. I have, in my own house, an apparently new breed of cat fur. This mutant cat fur is no longer dependant on the actual cat for growth and reinfestation. This fur, when shed, will continue to grow and multiply on its own. It possesses an astounding ability to weave itself into virtually every fabric, and is resistant to sticky tape rollers. Mutant fur also can self inseminate, because even when there is just one strand of fur left, if you turn your back on it, it will have mysteriously become 4 or more.

2 good things

Two good things happened today. Not big ones like winning the lottery, but good nonetheless.

1. My order from Moonbeam Catnip Co. arrived. All three cats are stoned out of their little heads, and alternating between flying around the house and snoozing hardcore. Life is good for the four legged members of the house. Also, this is a great little company, and I prefer to do business with independant type places rather than buy from the giants.

The nip available at PetSmart is ok, but this stuff is way stronger. The funky nip smell emanating from the package had noses twitching and whiskers pooching forward in anticipation. And when I actually opened it, their was singing and dancing and general adoration. For the nip mind you, not me. They are still haughty cats and gratitude is generally an unfamiliar concept.

2. I scored 2 pants, 2 skirts and one shirt for 10 bucks off of Craigslist. Oh Craigslist how I adore you. In between all the GI's posting for NSA encounters and people offering "rod iron tables for sell" there are some good deals to be had.

The Woo

Today I took Woo to the vet. A new vet.

He has been having issues with diarrhea for a while. I took him to another vet before, who I just did not like. I had been feeding him Science Diet prescription I/D, for about a year but he managed to have diarrhea. The bad vet told me that that food wasn't adequate nutrition, and changed him to Purina prescription diet. Woo did not eat it very well, continued to have diarrhea, and lost weight. He is the only cat I have ever had that was so picky about food. If he doesn't like it, he does not eat. No matter how hungry he gets.

I also took Biki to the same vet practice 3 times, and each time saw a different vet. So I decided to make a change.

A long time ago, I wokred for a VMD. I loved that job! Plus I got free vet care! So I am really picky about vets. The new vet today actually listened to me, asked valid questions about my baby, and gave me a script for a supplement. Sort of like a pro-biotic for cats. He said that some vets had reported it being successful in stimulating their appetites. He was right!

For the first time in like ever, The Woo was actually interested in food! He ate all the food I gave him! Usually he will nibble around the edges and pick at food, so this was amazing! Plus, this new vet is way cheaper than the last one. If needed, I would sell my kidney as a donor on the black market to pay for vet care. The little beasties mean so much to me. But I would rather not have it come to that, so I am happy to have found a vet I like and who will not need a sacrificial organ!

I had to list the name of my pet on the form. I put down Edgar, which IS his official name. But he never gets called that. When I found him, he was a stray. I posted notices everywhere online and called vets in the area. Nobody claimed him. I already had two cats, so I refused to name him, cause once you name them, they are yours. I managed to go for two months calling him 'Squishface' or 'FancyPants' before I realized that I wasn't going to find his previous owners.

Since he has a haughty Persian face, I decided he needed a grumpy old man kind of name, so he became Edgar. Which soon became Eddie. That led to Edissimo, which begat MoMo. Somewhere along the line, he became Dude. Then Dudearoo, then, and this is really sad, Dudeawoo. So while he may be named Edgar, he answers to Dude or Woo. And that boys and girls, is the saddest reason I should never have children.

Moving for the third time in 9 months, missing Iggie

Moving sucks. It forces you to go through everything you own and play favorites. That being said, I probably needed to go through all of my books and stuff and pare them down anyway.

I have over 50 boxes (yay grocery store dude!) and already a whopping 3.5 of them are packed. Considering I don't have a job or a new place to live, I'd say I am right on track.

It has been 10 days since Iggie died. He was the best cat I could have ever known and after 17 years with him, there is a big void in my life. When I see the other solid black cat walking in the other room I am still calling out "hey Igs", before I remember that he is gone. The vets office has called and said his ashes are ready to be picked up, but I am not able to deal with that yet.

Edgar, the fluffy little cat, has been crying to go outside non stop. He is not an outdoor cat, none of mine are, but he has escaped a few times and tasted Outside. And he wants more. He doesn't seem to understand when I tell him to stop yowling or be quiet. Ignoring him makes it worse. My brother said that maybe he was looking for Iggie, which was sweet, but I don't think that is what he is doing. Cats do pick up on their owners stress though, so maybe I just need to do some nice calm breathing and think relaxing thoughts for a while. Couldn't hurt, right?